Both Feel Better
by MydnytAngel
Summary: Spike's chip misfires in KIM. It's up to Buffy to save him.
1. Chapter 1

(Buffy's POV)

Buffy walked down the stairs to the basement, toward where Spike was sitting on

a cot, his wrists chained to the wall. "Hi, Spike," she said, in a soft voice, as she came to sit next to him.

Spike smiled a little bit at her. "Hey," he said.

"Giles left," she said. She smiled at him a little. He was looking at her with that open gaze, showing that he trusted her without a doubt to do what she pleased.

"Gives all a breather then, eh?" Spike asked, looking at her.

"From Giles?" she asked. Confusion marred her voice.

"From the constant pitter patter of clomping teenage girly feet," he pointed out.

Buffy giggled, but then she became serious. "Why are you chained to the wall?" she asked.

Spike glanced down at his wrists. "It's safer this way,"

"You've been fine."

"Not taking any chances."

"I still don't think it's necessary," Buffy said. She averted her eyes from him and stared at the concrete floor of her basement.

"Buffy, Luv?" he asked. His voice was soft and caring.

Her eyes traveled back up to his. "Spike?" She asked.

"Ow," he said.

"Ow?" she repeated.

Spike screamed as pain shot through his head.

"Spike!" Buffy panicked and unlocked the shackles. "What's wrong?" She grabbed his head, placing her hands over his as she tried to figure out what was wrong. _The chip. It has to be the chip. _She maneuvered him upstairs and onto the couch. She laid him down with as much gentleness as possible and his screams stopped.

"Popped a blood vessel," Spike said. He touched his bloody nose with a weak hand as he wiped the crimson liquid away. "Never had anything like that before." He rubbed his temple. "Feels like fireworks were going off inside my head."

Buffy ran to the kitchen and got a damp cloth and came back in to wipe the blood from his nose. "Can't I do anything?" she asked, sitting beside him. Her heart hammered in her chest from the trauma she had just seen Spike go through. She was used to Spike being strong and ever since he'd come back from Africa, he'd been… frail. Every time she turned around, he was in danger. His helplessness scared her.

What if something happened to him when she wasn't around?

"Not much you can do love, unless, you're a brain surgeon I'm stuck like this."

He was lying. He was still rubbing his head, so it still hurt. Anyone with eyes could see that.

Buffy swatted his hand away and massaged his temples, hoping to ease his headache. "That's why you're popping blood vessels." She sighed. "Stop doing this to me, Spike. Keep scaring me like that and you're going to have to find a new Slayer."

Spike closed his eyes and relaxed. "I have no right to your affections, but I'm too tired to care. If you wanted to rub my head, then go right ahead. I'm not the one to stop you."

Buffy smiled and thought about lying down with him, but too many emotions conflicted in her. Is that what he needed? Would it help him if she lay with him or would it be for her own selfish reasons to reassure herself that he'd be okay? _Screw it_. She climbed off the floor and lifted his head with care. She sat down and lowered his head onto her lap before she continued her ministrations.

Spike tensed up. "Buffy, luv… what are you doing?"

"Lie still. It'll help you feel better."She savored his nearness. He even called her Luv. He hadn't done that in a long time.

Buffy stayed on the couch with Spike's head in her lap, until trouble brewed. In the dining room, Buffy heard Andrew squeal and Xander yell about the First being. She grumbled and eased out from under Spike. She laid his head back down and headed into the dining room.

(Spike POV)

Spike lay in Buffy's bed, as she tried to sort out what happened to Red. Being turned into a man wasn't exactly anyone's cup of tea. All he gathered from Buffy was that Red was with one of the mini slayers who was sick and then boom, she was a man. He didn't catch the details. He didn't want to catch the rest of the details.

The attacks lessened, but something wasn't right. He didn't think it was the First and one of its attempts to lead him to the dark side. His chip was failing. That meant that Buffy would have to kill him. He knew. He buried his face under her pillow and reeled in her scent. She still used vanilla shampoo on her bouncy hair and there was a faint scent of… lavender? He thought it was lavender. "Must be new perfume," he said. But it smelled distinctly of her.

He heard her calling the army bloke. The last time that pounce came to Sunnydale, Spike and Buffy fell out. Actually, Buffy dumped him; not that he could forget that. He didn't want to risk losing her again. He didn't. Buffy was his everything, and they had gotten past most of their issues. He didn't work this hard for her forgiveness to lose her.

He heard Buffy's footsteps coming up the stairs. She opened the door, mindful of its squeak, in case he was sleeping, and giggled at him lying under her pillows. She sat on the side of the bed. "Have to get up."

He grunted in response. "Not movin'."

Buffy rested her hand on his bare back. "I know you're comfortable, but we have to talk," she said. If they wanted to find out what was wrong with him, then he had to get up.

Spike groaned and pulled his head out from under her pillows. He sat up and. "Have it your way," he said.

Buffy reached out and gripped his hands. "I couldn't reach Riley," she said. "We're going to have to find something on our own. I think we should go back to the Initiative caves. I don't know what's left of them or there will be anything to help us, but do you think you're well enough to come with me and help me find something? We have to try. I can't sit here and wonder what's going to happen to you."

"Easy, Buffy." He squeezed her hand. "I'll go with you. You know I will." He let go of her hand and climbed out of her bed. He put on his shirt that was draped on her chair. "You want to leave now?"

Buffy nodded and stood up. "I want to leave and get back as soon as possible," she said. "Willow might need me to help her through this. She didn't want my help before, but she might need it later. Right now, you're my priority."

Spike looked at her with soft eyes. "Your priority should be your friends," he said. "Not me."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Don't be a baby. Willow didn't feel like her head was about to explode. Come on. Let's get there and back while your head is still attached."

(Buffy POV)

Buffy gripped his hand as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light. Even with a flashlight, she couldn't see that well. The floor was just broken concrete now, and she tripped over a few large chunks of debris. The stench was awful, enough to make her sick, and there were demon bodies everywhere. They were even hanging from the ceiling. Cobwebs had started to form around the corpses, and she was pretty sure she heard bats.

Spike squeezed her hand as he scanned the darkness. "I can make out the remnants of a few signs, but it's only the room numbers. Be glad you couldn't see as well as I can, because it looks like it was a bloody mess of a fight." Demon entrails were hanging out of a few carcasses that were blown apart. Some of what he saw, he almost couldn't stomach, despite all the mayhem he caused in his early vampire days.

"Do you know where we're going?" she asked.

"I might be able to find the lab," Spike said. "But, I can't promise we'll find anything useful. We might end up with nothing."

"Even if we just get some files," Buffy said. "Any thing could help us."

Spike froze next to her, and pulled her close to him. "We have company," he said. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. "Something's was down here with us, and it's not human." He vamped out so his eyesight sharpened.

"Wonderful," she said. "I'm useless. I can't see a damn thing. If something attacks us, I won't be able to tell until it's too late. We need to find a weapon. If your chip fires, you could be killed. Spike, this is bad."

He couldn't pick up the danger and pressed on toward the lab. "Keep your senses open, Buffy, and don't let go of me. We've been in worse situations.

I'm pretty sure we are going in the right direction." When he caught a glance of the broken sign that said Laboratory, he was positive.

His head snapped to his left. "Don't move," he whispered.

Buffy clutched his hand and felt stupid. She was like a stupid school girl. If there was some light, she'd be fine, but she couldn't even see Spike's hair in the darkness. She shook off her fear and looked around. She wasn't a baby. She could handle this. They just needed a weapon of some kind.

When she turned her head to the right, a reptilian arm ripped her away from Spike. "Spike!" she yelled, as she fought off her attacker. She dropped her flashlight when she was grabbed and she could hear its breathing in her ear, and lashed her foot out. She heard a satisfying crunch as she heard its knee crack. She shot her left arm over her right shoulder and connected with a toothy jaw.

She saw Spike's blonde hair move as she was freed. She picked up her fallen flashlight. She shined it around and saw Spike fighting an ugly demon. She scanned the room trying to find some sort of weapon, but came up empty. She looked down and saw the flashlight in her hand. She cursed her stupidity and ran over to help Spike.

His hands flew to his head as his chip fired. "Buffy!" he yelled in pain.

"Spike!" She screamed. They did not need this right now. She needed his help.

Buffy kept the flashlight shining on the demon, but once she cracked the demon on the head with it she broke it. She jumped on its back and punched it in the head. She felt sticky stuff on her hand and hoped it was the demon's blood from where she clunked it on the head and not her blood from cutting her hands on its scaly skin.

She squeaked when the demon threw her over its head into a pile of crates. She tried to get to her feet, but she couldn't. Her vision was in and out of focus, she felt sick to her stomach before she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

(Spike POV)

Spike shook the dizziness from his head, then, all the lights came on. He squinted and looked around. Soldiers were on the balcony pointing guns either at him, or at the demon. He wasn't sure. He got his answer when the demon fell to the ground with several darts sticking out of his hide.

A young soldier approached to check on Buffy, but when Spike snarled at him, he backed away. Spike went to Buffy and checked her for injuries. Her heartbeat was strong, but she had a nasty bump on the back of her head. That was going to be hurting in the morning. He made a mental note to have her ice it when they got home. Spike checked her neck, arms, and with slow precision, he lifted her to look at her back. She had landed on a pile of crates, which had splintered under her. He moved her off the crates and eased her onto the floor. Floor was better than the wood.

The leader came down the steel stairs of the balcony.

"Hostile 17," he said. It wasn't a greeting, more of a statement.

"Go by Spike now," Spike growled. "She needs medical attention. I don't have time for you to screw around with me."

"We're here to help," the guy said. "My name is Sergeant Ryan Cooper." Sergeant Cooper extended his hand to Spike to let him know that he wasn't lying.

Spike looked at the hand like it was serpent but gripped it in a handshake. "Buffy needs help."

"I see that," Ryan said. "Let's get her to our medic. I promise she'll be okay, and you can stay with her while she gets checked."

Spike scooped Buffy up in his arms. "Have them put their guns down, yeah?"

Ryan gave the signal, and the soldiers lowered their guns. "Follow me," he said, leading Spike to a makeshift medical area. "You can lay her on that table. We're going to check for a concussion."

After Spike carefully set Buffy on the metal table, he backed away with slow, hesitant steps. A woman wearing fatigues calmly approached Buffy. She gave Spike a small smile.

"My name is Major Lisa Maddison Please call me Lisa."

. "Spike," he answered with a nod. He watched as the nurse slipped on a pair of gloves and open a kit. "What are you doing?" he asked.

As she raised one of Buffy's eyelids, then the other, flashing a pen light into both, Lisa answered, "I'm checking first to see if her eyes are dilating the same. They both look fine." Lisa felt for Buffy's pulse on her left wrist and silently counted as she watched the time. "Her pulse is a little on the high side, but that's to be expected." Next, she placed a blood pressure cuff around Buffy's right upper arm.

Buffy groaned, and Spike went over to her side to pick up her hand.

"Buffy?" he asked softly.

Buffy squinted as she opened her eyes. "Oh, bright lights," she moaned, closing her eyes again.

"Nothing I can do about that, Pet," he said, kissing her forehead.

Slowly opening her eyes once more, she focused on Spike's face. "Shouldn't you be the one on the table? And who's…?"

Spike smirked. "I can't take you anywhere without you getting in trouble, so you had to make the trip to the table first. Nurse's name is Lisa. Don't worry, pet, been watching the whole time." He looked at Lisa. "She gonna be okay?"

Lisa nodded as she finished checking Buffy's blood pressure. "She's going to be fine," she said. "She's going to be sore. Keep an eye out for her. She may have a mild concussion."

Buffy shivered as she sat up. "She is right here. Who are you people?"

Spike draped his jean jacket around her shoulders. It wasn't his usual leather coat, which he had to dig up still, but it would keep her warm nonetheless.

Sgt. Cooper came forward. "I'm Sergeant Ryan Cooper, ma'am. Agent Finn told us you needed some help with Hostile 17's chip," he said. "We were told to do everything we could."

Buffy climbed off the table. "Let's do what we came here to do," she said, looking at Spike. She eyed the sergeant with wary eyes. "What are you planning on doing exactly?"

"Call me, Ryan, ma'am," he said, offering his hand. "We're going to look at his chip and see what we can do. It shouldn't take long."

Buffy shook his hand. "I'm Buffy. But, you already know that. The chip is firing on its own."

Ryan waved the medical team over to the table. "You're going to have to let us work on him," he said. "Stay out of the way."

"Are you going to put him to sleep or something?" Buffy asked.

Ryan chuckled. "No, we're going to cut him open while he's awake," he said. Immediately he stopped chuckling when he saw Spike vamp and Buffy take a fighting stance. "Sorry, yes, we're going to put him under anesthesia."

"Let me make this perfectly clear, Sgt. Cooper," Buffy stated. "Anything happens to Spike, and I'll…"

"S'okay, pet. I'll play nice with the docs," Spike said, as he hopped on the same table Buffy had been on earlier.

"I want to be with him until he falls asleep," she said, moving to stand by Spike's head. She looked down at Spike and smiled. "I'll be here when you wake up," she said. "Not gonna leave you here. We're going to get this fixed, and then you can go home and get some sleep."

Buffy kissed his forehead. She backed away from him to let the Doctors work. She watched as they gave him a shot of something.

Spike eyes became heavy. "I love you," he said, as he passed out from the anesthesia.

(Buffy POV)

Ryan approached Buffy. "Spike's chip is degraded," he confirmed. "If we don't fix it, he will die."

"What do we do?" Buffy asked.

"We can repair it," he said. "Or, we can remove it. It's up to you."

Buffy thought about what Spike would want. He'd been held prisoner long enough. "Take the chip out."

"It will take some time," he stated. "He should be fine in a day or so."

She nodded and crossed her arms, but kept silent.

"He means a lot to you, doesn't he?" Ryan asked. "I'm asking, because I've never seen anything like this before. Slayers helping vampires? Not really in the rule book."

"He's my best friend," Buffy replied. "So yeah, we mean a lot to each other."

Ryan left Buffy alone to go organize Spike's surgery.

Buffy sat on the floor to wait. Did she make the right choice? What if he didn't recognize her when he woke up? What if he decides to go bad again and she has to kill him?

Buffy had watched the Doctors exit from the makeshift OR. She had entered the room but had stayed near the wall studying the now-still vampire. It was so unnatural to see him so still. He was always in constant motion. Buffy heard Spike groan and went to stand next to him. Her face hovered over his to block out some of the bright lights.

Spike's eyes fluttered open. "I could say I guess I'm still undead, but I could have gone to heaven," he said. "Head hurts. But if I get to see you, I'll live with it."

"You must be feeling better," she said. "Already with the lame jokes."

"You're still wearing my jacket." Buffy moved to take it off, but he stopped her. "You can keep it for now. Makes me feel manly if it keeps you warm."

"And here I thought it was weapons that made you feel all manly?" she teased. She was pleased with his surprised expression and became serious. "You okay?"

"Not sure," he answered as she helped him sit up. "What did they find out?"

"We should wait until we get home," Buffy said, avoiding answering the question. "I'd rather tell you in private. Ryan's taking us."

The drive home was tense for Buffy. She didn't know what she was going to tell Spike about his chip. She hoped he'd understand her decision. She thanked Ryan, and elbowed Spike in the ribs forcing him to do the same. She sighed when Ryan left and headed to the front porch. She got to the top of the steps before Spike's voice stopped her.

"So, how much time do I have?" he asked. "Army boys couldn't do anything?"

"You have until you die," Buffy said. "Ryan said they could either put a new chip in or take the old one out."

"So, you put a new one in." he assumed. "That's good. It's better that way."

"How?" Buffy asked. "How is that better?"

Spike looked up at her. He was standing on the cement, and she was on the porch. "Because maybe a new chip will keep The First out of my head."

"I'll keep The First away from you," Buffy said, crossing her arms. She didn't know how she was going to do that, but that was the best thing she could come up with.

Spike noticed her worried expression. "You did have them put a new chip in, right?" Spike asked.

"No, I didn't," Buffy said. Meeting his eyes, she softly said, "You're chip free."

"Because I have a soul." Spike dropped his head.

Buffy walked down the steps. She lifted her eyes to his. "No, Spike. I trust you. Chip or no chip.. I trust you. I couldn't wake you up to ask you. I thought about what you wanted, and I didn't think you wanted another chip in your head. We would repeat this process in another three years, and I couldn't do that to you. You'll be fine without one." She said that last more for her own reassurance.

"Yeah, until I kill someone again."

Buffy frowned. "No," she said in a firm voice. "You will be fine."

"Buffy, I want to believe you, but the soul didn't stop me from killing people," he replied. "Every time I try to do something that's good enough for you, it gets messed up."

"Listen to me. You're good enough for me. I'm grateful that you got a soul for me, and it helped me see things that I didn't see before. It's helped me see that you are a good man without a soul or a chip."

"But, you don't love me, Buffy," he said. "It means a lot to hear you say that I'm a good man, but I still don't have you."

Tears formed in her eyes, but she wasn't going to cry. That wouldn't accomplish anything. "Spike," she said. She picked up his hand to place it on her cheek. "I'm here, and there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

He looked at her with awe. That same look he gave her when she rescued him from the First and she told him she believed in him. She would never forget that look.

"I don't love you, but we can get through this. I'm your friend, and I'm going to be by your side. You have to believe that."

"I want to. I do."

"Then, why don't you?" Buffy asked.

"What about your friends?" he asked.

"What about them?"

Spike sighed and dropped his hand from her face. "They're gonna kill me if they find out I don't have a chip anymore."

Buffy slid her hand into his. "No one is going to touch you," she said. "I will explain things to them and lay down the rules." She tugged on his hand and led him inside. She was about to lead him up to her room, but he froze at the foot of the stairs. "What's wrong?"

"Where are we going?" Spike asked.

"My room."

Spike shook his head. "That's not a good idea," he said. He tried to tug his hand free, but she held fast.

"Spike," she said. "Come upstairs with me, and we'll talk in my room."

Spike trembled as she led him to her room and locked the door behind her. "Buffy," he shuddered.

Buffy placed a finger over his lips. "Shhh," she soothed. "Relax. I'm not putting you downstairs and locking you up. Not anymore. You're going to be okay. I trust you."

"I … I don't think this is a good idea."

Buffy took his hands and guided them to her hips. "You know you want to. You know you want to be here."

"You don't love me."

She stepped closer to him and rested her hands on his chest. "I already told you I don't." She didn't keep secrets from him anymore, so there was no reason to tell him otherwise. "But, I do want to be with you. And, I want you here. We're just going to sleep."

Spike nodded. "Okay," he said, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers.

Buffy leaned against him for a moment in a hug, before pulling away. She reached her hands out to the hem of his t-shirt, and he raised his arms for her to take it off. "You can sleep in your jeans or I might have some sweat pants. It's up to you." She went over to her dresser to get her own pajamas.

"I'll be fine," he said. Spike turned around as she changed.

When she finished changing, she came over and ran her hands over his bare back. "Relax," she said, easing his tense and knotted muscles. "It's okay for you to be here."

Spike turned to look at her. "Now what?"

Buffy guided him to her bed. "Now, we sleep," she said.

They both climbed in the bed and she turned off her lamp. Spike lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. She scooted over to him, and he seemed surprised when she lifted his arm for her to rest next to him. She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes draping her arm over his stomach. "Goodnight, Spike,"

Spike kissed her head. "I love you, Buffy," he said.

Buffy snuggled closer to him. "I know you do."

(continue Buffy POV)

The next morning, Buffy headed downstairs to break the news to her friends. She left Spike sleeping in her bed so he could rest.

She paused in the doorway of the living room where Willow was on the couch with Kennedy. They looked close to her. Buffy cleared her throat and came in. "Hi, Will," she said, sitting in the chair. "I guess you got everything sorted out. You know, with you being Willow again and all."

"Hi, Buffy," Willow said, smiling at her friend. "Sorry about yesterday. I… had a bit of glitch. Part of my guilt about flaying Warren."

"I'm glad you're okay," Buffy said. "I need to talk to you. It's kind of important."

"I guess this means I should leave you two alone," Kennedy said.

Willow pecked Kennedy on the lips. "Thanks," she said, as Kennedy got up to leave the room. She looked at Buffy. "So what's the what? New baddie in town that we have to worry about?"

Buffy bit her lip and came over to sit next to Willow. "Um… Spike's chip was firing on its own. We went into the Initiative to see what we could find. Wasn't what we expected. Soldiers came, and they took a look at Spike's chip."

"What did they say?" Willow asked. "Is he going to be okay?"

"Yes, he will be now. I had the chip removed," Buffy said, staring at her hands, then thought better. She was stronger than this. She could look at Willow and say what needed to be said.

"Spike has no chip?" Willow looked confused and worried.

Buffy shook her head. "No, he doesn't. I thought it was better that way."

"You thought what was better?" Xander asked, coming into the living room. He came from the kitchen with a donut in his hand.

"To have no chip Spike around," Willow said, with a bitter tone.

Xander choked on his donut "You decided what?"

"I had Spike's chip removed," Buffy said. "What is the big deal?"

"For one, he tried to rape you," Xander exclaimed. "Or, did you forget that?"

"I didn't forget," Buffy seethed. She moved around the living room and stood by the French doors. "I will never forget what Spike did to me, but, he's different now."

"Just because Spike has a soul doesn't make him different," Xander growled, getting up to come over to Buffy.

"I agree," Willow said. She stood and crossed her arms. "Buffy, I think you're too attached to Spike, and you can't see what he is. He's a killer. Now, he's a killer without his leash."

Buffy stared at her friends. "How can you say this to me? You, of all people?"

"What are you talking about?" Xander asked. "We're your friends, and we care about you."

Buffy snorted. "Spike's my friend too," she said, meeting his eyes.

"How can you be friends with someone who tried to rape you?" Xander asked.

"I'm still friends with you, Xander. You tried to rape me too, or did you forget? Spike has apologized to me, and he doesn't pretend it never happened," she declared. Buffy saw Xander pale and knew that her instincts had been correct. All these years he hadn't forgotten, and he never had said he was sorry.

"His soul makes him sorry, Buffy," Willow said. "But souls don't prevent people from doing bad things."

"No, it doesn't, Willow. I mean your soul didn't keep you from trying to turn Dawn back into just a key and from flaying Warren, now did it?" Buffy argued. "Spike went to get his soul because he was sorry. He loved me without it."

Buffy felt her neck tingle, but she brushed it off. She wasn't sure what it was. Probably just Spike just moving around upstairs.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Buffy, how can you do this?" he asked. "He's a killer. He hurt you when he claimed to love you."

"Like you hurt Anya?" Buffy said. She couldn't let her friend talk about Spike like that.

"Leave her out of this," Xander said. "It's totally different. I loved her, and she loved me. I wasn't ready to…"

"To what, Xander?" Buffy interrupted. "You weren't ready to devote your life to her? That's not love. But, you're right. I didn't love Spike. I don't love Spike. But, at least I'm honest with him. He knows how I feel."

"Enough," Willow shouted. "This is getting us nowhere. This isn't about Anya and our poor choices in life."

"Yes, it is," Buffy said. "You both think I wasn't right to take his chip out. I believe in my heart that I did what I had to do."

"Why?" Willow asked. "Why did you to take it out?"

Buffy realized she couldn't face the real reasons she wanted Spike's chip out, and she definitely couldn't tell Willow and Xander why. They would never understand. Ignoring that persistent tickle in her senses, she lied. "It'll help us in the battle," Buffy said. "He'll be a better fighter. I don't want to worry about his head exploding or the chip messing up his brain when we're in a battle. I need him strong and healthy. He's the strongest one on my team."

"So, that's the only reason?" Xander asked a little too hopefully. "That you need him to fight?"

Buffy bit her lip, then noticed Spike lingering in the doorway. "Spike," she said, in surprise. She wanted to pretend he hadn't heard what she just said. She hoped he didnt hear. "What are you doing up?"

She approached him and reached her hand up to look at the staples in the back of his head, but he flinched away from her. "What's wrong?" she asked.

Spike glared at her. "So, that's all I'm good for huh?" He said. "Just to help you fight."

"I didn't mean it like that," Buffy said. "How much did you hear?" She knew the answer. He never hid his emotions well.

"Enough to know that you're full of shit, Buffy."

"Watch how you talk to me."

"Don't tell me what to do, Slayer. I'm done taking orders from you."

Buffy watched as he walked away from her and slammed the door as he went downstairs. Everything was going wrong. Her chest felt tight watching him storm away.


	3. Chapter 3

(Spike's POV)

(Spike's POV)

Spike wiped away his angry tears as he headed down to the basement. He couldn't believe they were back to this again. He took an angry swing at the punching bag, nearly sending it off its chain. Hearing the door to the basement open he expected Buffy to come down the stairs, but it was a different scent. Dawn's. That was great. Send someone to rub salt in the wounds. He didn't say anything as he turned around to look at her as she came to the bottom of the stairs. She looked scared, but she still walked down the steps with a confidence he hadn't seen before he left. He hated himself for not being here for her when she needed him and to watch her grow up.

Dawn bit her lip nervously. "Hi," she said, softly. "I was in the dining room when I heard what happened in the living room with Buffy and her friends." She paused. "I think Buffy should take a big girl pill and work this out with you."

Spike crossed his arms. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?" he asked, curtly. He didn't want to deal with Dawn's lectures right now. He wasn't up to feeling much guilt, just anger. He wanted to wring Buffy's neck after what he just heard. He was so tired of her games and he just wanted to be left alone. He needed to think about his life now. He had no chip, but he had a soul. After spending the night in Buffy's bed, then hearing her friends verbally attacking him, it was just too much. He didn't know what to think anymore.

"I just… I wanted to see if you were okay," she said. "Like I said, I heard the door slam. And I heard what happened in the living room." He watched as she crossed her arms and he could see his slayer- no not his slayer- but he could see a lot of Buffy in her.

Spike snorted. "I'm just dandy, Dawn," he said. "It's not nice to eavesdrop, you know." He didn't want to talk to anyone. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to be angry and take it out on someone, someone who wasn't Dawn because she didn't deserve it. She hadn't made any effort to tell him she had forgiven him or that she wanted to work things out with him, so he didn't want to deal with this right now.

Dawn took a few confident steps toward him. "Spike, I know we aren't the best of friends," she said. "But I'm still worried. And it's not eavesdropping if the people you're listening to are too loud." She bit her lip and folded her arms. "So will you please talk to me?"

"And why do you worry?" he asked. What was she getting at? He was still angry at Buffy and that was making it really hard for him to cut Dawn any kind of slack. He couldn't cut the pope any slack at this rate. He didn't even have the mindset to think about what Dawn was saying and to set something straight. His heart almost melted as he watched her brown eyes bore into his. She still used those eyes on him, even now. What was he turning into?

She rolled her eyes and smacked him in the arm. "You're being a dumb ass," she said. "I've been sitting here, sick with worry while you and Buffy disappeared to find something at the Initiative. She brings you home and you have staples in the back of your head, so I know that she took the chip out without her even having to tell me. I assume she told Willow and Xander but she doesn't care what they think. So, why are you being a brat and slamming doors like a teenager?"

Spike chuckled darkly and moved away from her to sit on his cot. "Because your sister isn't who I thought she was," he said. "And I do not act like a teenager." There was enough of those in this house. But it was silly of him to think otherwise. He knew that it was too good to be true. It would never be different with Buffy. Never. She would never see him as anything other then a monster.

"And what was that?" she asked, going over to sit next to him.

"Thought she was different," he admitted, softly. "Thought things were different from last year." He'd thought wrong that was for damn sure. He couldn't take much more of Buffy's rejection.

"And they aren't?" Dawn asked.

The vampire shook his head. "No," he said. "She's just using me because I'm her strongest fighter. That's the only reason she took the chip out. Not because she trusts me without it. She'd never trust me with anything important." Like her heart, which was the one thing he wanted more then anything in this world. And he didn't think he'd ever get that.

"Did you hear me actually say that?" Buffy asked, surprising them both from the stairs. To Spike she actually looked upset and betrayed, but he was pretty sure that he was in trouble regardless. But he just wanted her to go back upstairs and be with her friends. He didn't want to hear any of her excuses. He'd already heard every one in the book.

Spike's blue eyes clashed with hers, but they were full of anger. "You didn't have to," he said, coldly. "What I heard from your mates was enough." They would always be more important to her, and the sooner he accepted that, the better he would be. The easier it would be to move on with life.

Buffy looked at her sister. "Can I, um… have a few minutes alone with Spike?" she asked. She folded her arms nervously and fidgeted from one foot to the other.

Dawn bit her lip again but nodded. She looked at Spike. "I'll be back later if you want," she said.

Spike shrugged but didn't say anything, so she got up. She looked at him one last time before going up the stairs. He could care less what the girls did. He just wanted time to himself the neither of them was so willing to give him.

Buffy's POV

Buffy waited for her sister to close the door before turning to Spike. "You didn't hear me say anything like that," she said. "You heard Xander being Xander and you just assumed that I'd just agree with them. You didn't even let me say anything to them."

"I don't have to let you do anything," he said. "You've never given me any opportunity to explain myself to you before you just made assumptions. And I know you well enough to know that your friends are more important to you than me and that you agree with them all the time."

"Spike, that's not true," she said, softly. "Not anymore. I just don't want them to justify what happened with us last night. It's not their business." She really let her friends screw this up again. All she wanted was for her and Spike to trust each other and have something between them.

Spike crossed his arms and glared at her. "Buffy, I really just want to be left alone right now," he said. He wasn't going accept her apology right now. But she wanted to make him understand where she was coming from.

Her heart practically broke when he said he wanted to be left alone. "You don't believe me, do you?" How could he not believe her? What did she do that was so bad? She'd thought things were fine. She didn't even say anything against him, but her intentions got all bent out of shape.

"Get out," Spike said, leaning against the wall with a hard stare.

Buffy opened her mouth, but no words came out. She turned on her heel and went up the stairs. When she couldn't think of anything to make him understand what he'd heard. As much as she wanted to say, she couldn't push the words past her lips. She just couldn't.

Spike POV

That night, Spike went on patrol. Dawn had asked him if she could go and he couldn't resist. However, Buffy, Xander, Giles, and all the girls went as well. Spike was less then thrilled with that. It got a little bit better when Buffy and Xander took a few of the newer girls and headed in a different direction than the rest of them. Dawn had stuck close to him, however, which made him happy. She seemed to be warming up to him and he longed to make things right with her. He had calmed down some since earlier and was able to listen to what she had to say, which right now, wasn't much.

He had noticed that one of the potentials, Rona he thought, was giving him strange looks. He didn't know why, but it was giving him an uneasy feeling. She kept whispering to Kennedy, who had the biggest mouth in his opinion, and Kennedy kept shooting looks his way as well.

Dawn had been making small talk with him. Just talking about school, and asking him how he was. But there was tension in the air. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dawn trip over a root of a large oak tree and he grabbed her out of reflex. "You okay?"

Dawn nodded. "Yeah… just not paying attention," she said. "Just hurt my toes, but that was it. Thanks." She shook out her foot and stood up straight.

Spike was still looking at her when someone jumped on his back and landed a solid punch to his temple. What the hell?

"Kennedy!" Dawn screamed. "What are you doing?"

Spike flipped Kennedy over his head and she landed with a hard crunch on the hard earth. He wasn't prepared for the tackle from Rona to his left, but he should have known. He punched Rona in the face, probably breaking her nose, and she backed away. He stood in front of her in a fighting stance, his vampire visage appearing on his face. "You do not want to mess with me, little girl," he seethed.

Dawn pushed Kennedy down when the girl went to attack Spike again. "Stay down," she growled. She went over to help Spike, but then she saw Buffy running over with Xander and the rest of the girls. Thank god, because the shit was going to hit the fan. She took a step toward Spike, but obviously Rona and Kennedy weren't done. Giles also seemed to notice that Spike wasn't in pain. But before he could comment on the chip, Rona dove for Spike. He wrapped an arm around her neck and lowered his fangs to her throat.

Buffy took a step forward to rip Spike from the girl's throat, but he pulled back and shoved her away from him. She should have known that he would pull away. She really needed to work on that. If she was going to work things out with him, she had to act like she trusted him. It disappointed him that things weren't any better.

Giles stepped forward and helped Rona up. "Your chip should have fired," he said, sending an accusatory look in Spike's direction.

Buffy stepped forward and sucked up everything in her as she stood next to Spike. "He doesn't have a chip anymore," she said. Now was a good time to put everyone in their place and make them keep their hands off her vampire.

Spike looked down at her and shook off his vampire face. "I didn't hurt anyone," he said in defense of himself. He didn't want anyone ganging up on him for something that he didn't do.

Buffy looked up at him. "Spike, I meant what I said last night," she said. "I trust you. I know you wouldn't hurt anyone unless you had a reason. You don't need to explain yourself."

Dawn stood next to her sister. "They attacked Spike for no reason," she said. "He was just defending himself."

Buffy glared at the two girls. "Why would you attack a vampire?" She asked. "Are you crazy? Especially a vampire as dangerous as Spike. You're damn lucky he didn't kill you." She was glad that he had enough control to not hurt them too much.

"Exactly. He's dangerous," Xander said. "Buffy, you can't let him run around now with no chip."

"Watch me," Buffy said, glaring at her friend. "He's dangerous when he has to be. When stupid little girls think they can take on a master vampire that even I haven't been able to beat in six years."

"You told me yesterday that you only needed him for battle," Xander said. "He just tried to kill Rona!"

"She attacked me!" Spike growled, taking a step toward the boy.

Buffy grabbed Spike's arm. "Spike," she said, softly. "Please. I don't need the situation getting any worse. I don't need you giving Xander a broken nose, even if he deserves it." She delivered a glare to her friend for his bullshit.

Spike yanked his arm from her grasp. "Don't start with me, Buffy," he growled. Now he ached for a cigarette. She was again throwing him to the dogs and not setting everyone straight. He wouldn't just hurt someone for no reason. He didn't really do that when he was evil. Well he grew out of it. He hadn't been like Angelus.

Buffy sighed. "Okay," she said, crossing her arms. "I've had it with this crap." She glared at Xander. "Shut your mouth and let me talk." She looked back at Spike. "I don't know what you heard, but you overreacted. I don't care what anyone thinks about what happened between you and me. I chose to have your chip taken out, and I stick by it. Yes, it's about needing you for the First, but that is not the only reason. So stop being a dumb ass." She turned her attention to Xander. "Got it? Its none of your business to stay out of it."

Spike opened his mouth to say something then closed it. He crossed his arms and stared at the ground. He didn't need her to break anything of his either. They hadn't had a fight in a long time, and he had forgotten how heartbreaking it was on his part. He hated hurting her or seeing her in pain. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss her pain away.

Buffy turned her attention to the two potentials. "I don't know what you were trying to prove by attacking Spike, but you're damn lucky that he didn't kill you. Anyone tries that again and he has my permission to finish it," she said, in a firm voice. "Now I'm going to finish patrolling. The rest of you can go home."

Dawn stood close to Spike as Xander sputtered. It seemed like he was going to protest, but Giles hushed him and began to lead the girls home. "Are you coming?" Dawn asked, looking back at Spike.

Spike shook his head. "I need to talk to Buffy," he said. "Think I really messed things up this time." Nothing was going right anymore. Something was always coming between them and he couldn't make it stop. He didn't think they would ever be able to get it right. Not with her friends always getting in the way. Just because she told her friends to mind their own business didn't mean they were going to.

Dawn smiled a little. "I don't think you did," she said. "But can we… you know… talk sometime?" If he worked things out with Buffy tonight, he'd be in a better mood and maybe he would talk to her.

He nodded. "We can do that. You should head home. Don't want you out this late by yourself." He definitely missed Dawn and he would love to talk to her, but he needed to work things out with Buffy right now. Especially when he was probably the one that messed up.

"Don't worry," she said, showing him the stake in her jacket. "I came prepared." She smiled at him again before heading after the group.

Spike chuckled as he watched her walk away, but then he turned to head after Buffy. He took off in a jog to catch up with her. "Buffy!" He called, as he caught up to her. Her shoulders were slumped and he could smell that she had been crying, breaking his heart even more. How could he make up for this?

Buffy paused and sniffled. She shook her tears away and looked at him. "Thought you were going home." Spike could tell that she didn't want to deal with anything else tonight. She wanted to be alone, but he knew they had to work this out.

Spike looked down at her. "Don't you think we should talk?" he asked. He wanted to talk to her about what she had said. He was probably going to apologize and get down on his knees and tell her he loved her. Actually he wanted to take her in his arms and protect her from everyone, even his words, but that was just a dream.

She crossed her arms protectively. "Not really," she said. "You didn't want to talk earlier. And I've already said everything that needs to be said."

He sighed. He deserved that from her. He felt like a real pratt for making her cry. "Buffy, look, I'm sorry about this morning," he said. "I just… I didn't know what to think once you didn't say anything to the whelp about my chip." Once her friends got in the mix, Spike knew that he was fighting a losing battle. At least he always had been before. He was still trying to adjust to the fact that things had changed between him and Buffy.

She bit her lip and looked up at him. "I would have if you didn't make me run after you," she said. "And I just said something to everyone." Her eyes were pleading with him and he wanted nothing more then to just push it aside and move on with life, but if he did that, it would just come up again.

"I know you did," he said. "But how did you expect me to react, Buffy? You're friends have always come first and I have always been booted to the curb for them." He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants as he looked at her. "I just couldn't stand being humiliated again."

"I want you to trust me," she said, softly. "Because I would never do that to you again."

"Well sometimes it's hard," Spike said. "After last year, Buffy, it's really hard for me to trust you. Especially where your friends are concerned. What did you want me to do?" She was asking a lot of him. He wanted to trust her, more then anything in this world, but how could he?

Buffy rubbed her face and sniffled. "I wanted you listen to what I had to say," she whispered. "But I guess if you don't trust me or if you're not past what I did to you last year, then I don't expect you to listen to me now."

Spike took a step toward her and his hand reached up to caress her arm. "Buffy," he said, tenderly. "I'm sorry. I over reacted. But I do trust you." His other hand came up as he stroked her upper arms. "I just hoped that one day I would be just as important to you, if not more, then your friends." He didn't want to pressure her or anything into loving him or being in a relationship with him, but he wanted her to know how he felt.

"You are," she said, relaxing her arms, and resting them on his hips. He could already feel the heat spreading from her body to his. His heart lurched in his chest when she said that he was important to her. "You have no idea how special you are to me." She stepped closer to him and released a shaky sigh. "I hate fighting with you and I would never hurt you like I did last year."

Spike in haled deeply through his nose as her hands touched his hips. He physically had to fight back a jump of surprise as he listened to her words. "I don't like when we fight either," he whispered, gently pulling her body towards his. Her scent of vanilla was assaulting his nostrils and he couldn't help the stirring in his body. "Buffy?" He expected her to pull away, to say she wasn't ready, to walk away, but she didn't.

"Yeah?" She whispered, looking up into his eyes.

"Would… would it be alright if I kissed you?" He asked, shyly. He wasn't sure if they were ready to go that extra step, and what of her friends? Eventually they were going to have to face them. It was in evitable. And where would he sleep? Would she want him in her bed already? He tried to shake those thoughts from his mind. It was too soon to think like that.

Buffy's pink tongue darted out and moistened her soft lips. "I think that would be okay."

His hands slowly made their way up to her cheeks as his lips descended onto hers. He pressed his lips gently against hers as he cradled her face. He thumbs stroked over her still damp cheeks as he shifted closer to her. He had never felt this with her before. Their kisses before had been rough and demanding, whereas now, they were soft and tender. The passion was still there, but there was more. This was almost like their first kiss. He hesitantly stroked his tongue over her bottom lip, seeking entrance and she didn't disappoint.

A moan escaped her throat, encouraging him to deepen the kiss. He felt her arms go around his waist as her hands traveled up his back. She had risen up on her tippy toes to press her body flush against his. "Spike," she whispered, as she pulled back to take a breath.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. He hadn't said those words in quite some time and he didn't want her to reject them. She didn't have to love him, but he wanted her to accept how he felt about her. He just wanted to love her and make her happy.

"I know," she said, bringing her arms up around his neck. "I know you do." She nuzzled her lips against his before pulling him down for another kiss.


End file.
